Do you watch Porn? Why?

Many people come into my sessions with an insecurity: ,,Is pornography good for me?”, ,,Are some of the dissatisfactions of my life and my sexuality related to Porn?”, ,,Am I addicted?”

In the recent years, the NoFap movement has put the side effects of Porn consumption into focus: depression, difficulties with erections or orgasms, addiction.

If Porn is damaging us, then why do we watch it? And why is it hard for us to stop?

I think, we make it too easy for ourselves by attributing all of it to its potential of addiction. Let us look a bit closer!

At the end of this post I will give you 42 questions that will allow you to find your own answers to these questions.

We act with a reason

Rarely in our lives do we act without any reason. Not even when it seems as if we are hindering ourselves through our behavior.

An example: In my sessions I meet clients that have the wish to “let go” during sex. When we look closer to why this is a difficulty them, sometimes we notice: There is a desire to keep control.

Either in the exact situation or at some point in the past it is/was important, to protect themselves. Against judgement, for example. So the apparent obstacles actually fulfills a reasonable function: protection.

And, I’d say, to take care of oneself is certainly a good measure!

So, we act for a reason. And the question about our reasons is particularly interesting when it comes to our Porn consumption: Why do we watch Porn?

Porn as an addiction

Pornography can make us addicted. Just like any other addictive drug, a stimulus (e.g. a sexual thought) causes the release of dopamine in our brain. This signals to our brain: This is good, go for it! When we are addicted, we can no longer control whether we want to follow this impulse or not.

It then seems as if there is no good reason at all for our actions. As if the drug is controlling us. We watch Porn even when we think it is inappropriate right now. Or when we are actually insecure whether we damage ourselves with it.

And there is good reason to be aware of this addictive effect of pornography and of its impact on us.

Porn is satisfying needs

But when we look to the addictive character alone, then we ignore that through Porn we also satisfy a big variety of actual needs and desires. We ignore that there are good reasons for us to watch Porn.

It can be rewarding to have a look at this. Because if you understand for what reasons you watch Porn, you gain freedom of action. You will be able to:

  • Gain more clarity with your sexual needs.
  • Recognize and appreciate your needs; disengage from shame and insecurities.
  • Make a self-determined and differentiated decision, whether Porn does fit into your life or not.
  • If desired, direct your perception towards how you can fulfill your needs without Porn.

So here you find a list of 42 questions to spur your thoughts: Why do you watch Porn?